Dwele-Michael Jackson Tribute <----SO DOPE!!!!!

Want the MP3? Cop it HERE

Tini's Funny Friday-When The Holy Ghost Gets Ya

Lawd, I don't have words for this cause I'm still phucking laughing...LMAO Enjoy

Bartender Chronicles Numero Faux Pont Fif

Been awhile since I've done one but yeah...this was long over due. First up:

Rihanna and Chris Brown

I'm sooooo phucking glad that this is over with. Say what you will but I don't place all the blame on Chris. There were TWO people there that night and only those two know EXACTLY what happened. The fact that Rihanna didn't press any charges says a lot. I interpret that as she may have owned up to her responsibility in her part in what happened that night. Be that as it may, he didn't get off scott free. They BOTH have to obey the "stay away" order handed down by the judge. Which means that they cannot have ANY contact at all for the entire 5 years he is on probation. DAMN. If a reconciliation was in the works they are going to have to wait a long ass FIVE YEARS to do so. Although he didn't get jail time (which in my opinion is far too harsh) I think they BOTH (not only Chris) should go into counselling for anger management and volunteer time to advocate for domestic violence-something Chris is all too familiar with. I guess we can chalk this up to they are our  "Bobby and Whitney" because that crack to the dome was WACK.


Perez Hilton vs. Will.I.Am

WOW. Yes. I choose that particular word as my first word to describe this phuckery. Where and how in the fuck does Miss Perez get off calling someone a "fucking faggot?" The very word that could be used to insult and demean someone who is Gay or Lesbian, in which he IS gay. What if the shoes was on the other foot? I'm sure Miss Perez would certainly try to fit her big sweaty foot in that shoe and cry FOUL. What did he expect to happen after calling him a faggot? A handshake? A hug? Responding with a punch to the face may seem just to some, maybe it wasn't the right thing to do...and I say this because how much do you wanna bet that Miss Perez will evaluate her horrid wardrobe and assess that she is in dire need of some cash to spruce up those threads? Or take another look in the mirror and need that cash for 3 years worth of Proactive? Or maybe pay someone to make him the next spokesmodel for Jenny Craig? What's even more dissappointing is the fact he claims gay rights organization didn't have his back! WTF?! He's kiddng right? How can they support a person who is GAY himself use a derrogoratory word (used to insult gay) against a seemingly hetrosexual male? GET THE PHUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHET. Bitch bye.....

Jon and Kate Plus FAKE

Don't you DARE judge me! SEOD...I watched that phucking episode of this shit. Yeah, I was curious about what the hell was going on....sue me. Man if that wasn't the worst hour of television I've ever endured. It was a phucking set up. They made it seem that everything was everything and then BAM at the end of the show Jon basically said he was 32 years old and still young and about to do HIM and poor Kate "I love my kids. I will do anything for my kids. Even if I have to do it alone...but I really don't want to do it alone." WTF? Understandably she was still traumatized by the fact that all of this came down on her like a ton of bricks. Maybe she wasn't thinking straight. Homie just was upfront like "Aye, I'm still young- I'M ABOUT TO GET IT IN!!!!!!!!!" And how apropos that they air this the day after Father's Day. A woman is about to become a single parent to not ONE but EIGHT children. I can't help but think that now this is making for great television now because of his indiscretion this is Jerry Springer+Maury Povich type television. And the fact that they both agreed that they would continue to do the show...what the phuck for?! They aren't the two parents of 18.4 kids and living the seemingly "perfect" yet challenging life. So why are they REALLY doing it?

Real Housewives of Atlanta

So if you didn't know already, Real Housewives of Atlanta is slated to come back to our idiot boxes July 30th. (WOO HOO!) DeShawn Snow isn't coming back to join the cast...unfortunately goody two shoes just didn't cut it for Bravo producers. So they have recruited....you'll never guess....Kandi Buress from Xscape. Now that makes me wonder, what in the PHUCK does she have going on that we need to be glue to the tube? We shall see. One person who IS coming back to the cast is none other than Sheree Whitfield. Sadly, she did lose her home-lastest victim of foreclosure. It's reported that before surrendering the home, she promptly removed all the kitchen appliances. Glad to see that she was thinking that a SISTA will NOT starve....


Ed McMahon

Sadly died at the age of 86. He was an annoucer for Johnny Carson for The Tonight Show, hosted Star Search and American Prize Patrol...man he made me wanna win bad. Sadly he also was reduced to bankruptcy and was starring in FreeCreditReport.com and Cash For Gold commercials.

Tini's Tourette Tuesday- "F" Class Customer Service

I was talking with a friend of mine and some how got on the topic of customer service and the horrendous hold times and just terrible customer service. It made my feeble mind recall a movie I watched which depicted outsourced customer service at it's WORST....lol...funny stuff...check it out below. Tell me YOUR worst customer service experience! Please comment!


Part One







Part Two

E.I.- Road to American Idol Part III

And here is video numero three from the very talented E.I. who you can follow on Twitter and show your support twitter.com/easymix86

This video is an original song over a Johnta Austin beat....very smooth... enjoy!

Tini's F*ck This Friday

First let's start off with the assholes who came up with the bright ass idea to have applicants list not only their usernames for social sites such as Facebook and Twitter but to also list the PASSWORD for the account! Are they phucking INSANE?! Why not just ask to also list social security numbers of everyone in your family and your login to your online bank account? Why not just ask for your neighbors private information too? I mean this is BULLSHET. Here's the article http://www.boingboing.net/2009/06/17/city-in-montana-requ.html

Personally, I would tell them to

Next up is PETA having four strokes and a heart attack over President Obama killing a pesky fly. They have done nothing short of condemning the man to HELL for it. Phuck it. If the fly was bothering him, he has the right to smack the shit out of it to get it to leave him alone. It's funny how they are all set to go to war with anyone who looks at a cockroach cross eyed but I BET they don't think twice about someone getting shot dead. Shouts to @FDerron for his comment regarding the whole PETA situation on Twitter. I have deemed this the "QUOTE OF THE WEEK":

"MOTHER FUCK A PETA! I WHOOP MY DOG I KILL ROACHES FLIES I'M ON AN ALL MEAT DIET AND I GOT A BEARSKIN COAT AND A MINK HAT!"

As much as I am a support of voter rights across the board...where was all this support during the Bush/Gore election? I don't recall this much of a turn out for that as much as for this Free Iran movement. Gotta take care of house and home first people. I don't recall ANYONE marching or protesting, NATHAN...just an observation.....

E.I.- Road to American Idol Part II

DAMN! My man is doing it! I really can't see why he can't make it. Check out video #2!

E.I.- Road to American Idol

Check out the video of my e-friend documenting his journey to American Idol to grab a coveted spot as a finalist. This is the FIRST person I know personally that is trying out for Idol and I will post his videos as a way of me supporting his efforts. Not only is he a certified cutie but can sing too! Check him out on twitter too http://twitter.com/easymix86

Funny Friday- Tini Starts Shit...And Gets Away With It.....

Special thanks first to Odara and Chrissy for talking about our experiences in fights for this story.
*Names have been changed....a lot of them were mad ghetto anyway...you probably wouldn't know the difference...LMAO

(This is an actual pic of my Junior High School. This is taken facing the gym portion of the school)

 Picture it. Junior High School in Queens, NY. If I remember correctly, I was in the 8th grade. I hung with what was considered the "cool" crowd. I wasn't "popular" but everyone knew me as "Dimples." I was the odd one out the bunch, I didn't follow trends, I was my own person. I didn't always agree with everything, I didn't become a subject of peer pressure or do a lot of the stupid shit they got into. So a lot of the time I caught sideyes but I was still cool. There was a fairly new girl named "Dyisha" that started at our school and was deemed the new "it" girl because she was high yellow and caught the eye of this senior "Lonnie" who was popular and was hollerin at her. "Dyisha" was in special education classes. She wasn't retarded or had disabilities...she was essentially just operating at a slower pace than most kids on her grade level.

So one day we were out for recess. We were shooting the shit and somehow started talking about "Dyisha." I mentioned she had a big ass forehead and we died laughing. Jokingly, I said, "I should mush her in the forehead and say PRAISE THE LAWD!" We were hysterical about the thought that eventually turned into a plan. We knew we would see her on the way to the next period after lunch...PERFECT TIMING. So it was like getting ready for a boxing match. We were getting hyped up and shit and talking about how funny it would be to see the look on her face. So the bell rings and we start the walk to our next class.

As we walk down the hall, we spot her and some people she was walking with. I walk ahead of my friends so I can do this forehead hit and run. I approach her and say "Dyisha?" She acknowledges me. I then placed my hand on her forehead and say "PRAISE THE LAWD!" Now mind you I kinda smacked her a just a little in the forehead and shook it just a little. My friends and some of Dyisha's own crew laugh. That was it.

We continued to walk to class. About fifteen minutes into my Social Studies class, "Teresa" a girl I knew but wasn't quite friends with but we occassionally exchanged pleasantries from time to time comes to my class with a note from the Dean's Office summoning me to go down to see Dean Gluck (a mean ole fuck). Everyone in class was like WTF?! So I go with "Teresa." Now Teresa WAS friends with Dyisha. She had the NERVE to question ME on why I "HIT" her in the head. I politely explained unless she was Dean Gluck I don't need to explain SHIT to her.

Now some people were afraid of Teresa because she had these sausages for fingers and the belief apparently was that she could hit hard and could probably beat some ass. I wasn't phased. So before we got to the office she cautioned me at 3 p.m. it was going to be ON after school. Now if you're wondering why Teresa had the pleasure of getting me from class to go to the Dean's Office was because some kids had "free" periods and worked for the Main Office or the Dean's Office. So she was more like a "Monitor."

We get to the Dean's Office and Dean Gluck was sitting there. I mean this man's scowl could scare the skin off of you.

He wasn't the most pleasant man to deal with, so I had heard. This was the first time I had encountered him. He then proceeds to tell me that Dyisha made a complaint to the office about what had transpired during the class change. He told me that she said in her statement that I had HARASSED HER and smacked her HARD in the forehead and said PRAISE THE LAWD. I was stunned that she even KNEW the word HARASS but was sure she didn't quite know the proper context in which to use the word.

I explained that it was a joke and I didn't hit, smack or slap her. I had simply placed my hand on her forehead and said praise the lawd. I also point out she didn't seemed bothered by me doing so because she had not called me out on it when the incident took place. We all laughed (except her) and kept it moving. I further explain that I didn't "harass" her. Dean Gluck stated that in any case I was wrong for violating her personal space and putting my hands on her. I agreed perhaps I was wrong for doing so. To try and put the fear in me he said that I could face being EXPELLED for the incident pending further investigation. FML! EXPELLED?! Damn. So he asked that I list the individuals that I was with to corroborate my story. Another monitor was dispatched to get them from class to be placed in empty classrooms to be questioned. Like phucking Law and Order junior high style...LOL.

They are questioned and then my mom was called. After it was all said and done I missed the rest of my Social Studies class and was on to the next class. Oddly enough, Dean Gluck was nicer than I thought. Maybe just to me. He wasn't gruff with me. Maybe he saw I was a good kid but just did something silly because I was never in trouble before.

There was a buzz already around the school that some shit was about to go down after school. People were asking me what was going on and what happened and I was very non-chalant about the whole thing when Dyisha made it all "dramatical." Now NYC School System had a "20 Block Rule." Which meant that if you were caught fighting within 20 blocks of a school you could be expelled. Mind you I lived 6 blocks from that bitch....lol. So 3 p.m. comes and the final bell rings. I meet up with my crew and we start to head home. They ask me what happened in the Dean's Office and we laughed about what happened. Then one of the girls turns around and sees what looks like the entire school following behind us with none other than Dyisha walking ahead of the crowd. My friend asked was I gonna stop. I told her no.

 If Dyisha got some shit she wanna handle she would have to catch up to me to do so. So we kept it moving. We're about two blocks from school at this point. So I feel a hard "tap" on my shoulder. Now being smart you just don't "turn around." I stepped up a couple of steps and then turned around. Because if someone was gonna commence to swinging I wasn't catching one to the dome off of not being prepared.

It was Dyisha. Now that she had an audience; Barclay Avenue was her stage at that moment. She said "I didn't appreciate you harassing me and mushing me in my forehead." I just stood there and looked at her. I'm not the type of individual that flaps at the gums when it comes to confrontations. Either we fight or YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Now I'm sure some people took that as me starting to punk out by not responding and it began to enlarge Dyisha's balls by thinking she had me scared. So she stepped up and was getting all in my face pointing and shit. Still no response from me. Then I heard someone say "Oh, Dimples is a punk! Look at her she ain't doing shit NOW!" A couple of chuckles came from the comment. My friends were looking at me like WTF? Now I was raised that until someone hits you and let them be the first to hit (and let it be the LAST they get off of you) otherwise there is no fight. Now by right Dyisha could have swung on me...but flapping her gums was expending precious energy she could have been using to "fight."

So now the crowd was surrounding us starting to form a tight circle to get us to fight. Dyisha is still popping shit and then says "I should punch you." Only then I respond by saying, "You been flapping your fuckin mouth for two minutes and NO HITS. Either we gonna fight or YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP. So until you decide what you gonna do, I'mma keep walking." So I turned and walked the fuck away and my friends followed. EVERYBODY was like "OH SHIT! SHE PUNKED YO ASS DYISHA!"

So we got up another block in front of the elementary school and we get stopped AGAIN. There was all this chaos and shit. People were trying to instigate a fight. So Dyisha starts saying shit like I was wrong for what I did WOMP WOMP. So I actually admit yeah I was wrong for putting my hands on her but don't come stepping up to me like you gonna lay me out and don't do shit..... I GOT SHIT TO DO. So up the block from the elementary school was a lil ass 7-11. I continued to walk essentially leaving her there to yap her fuckin head off. When we got to where to store was Dyisha comes running up behind us and my friends warn me and I turn around. NOW I'M PISSED. She then states that she doesn't want to fight cause she saw all of us as her lil sisters and this whole thing got blown out of proportion. *INSERT EYE ROLL*

So at that point she called the whole thing off, apologized and I continued on home. First thing my mom asked me when I walked in the door was "Did you beat her ass?" I told her what happened and she was like "cool." Nothing more came of this dramedy. I didn't get written up, however I'm positive there's some sort of notation placed in my school records.

Moral of the story is SNITCHES GET STITCHES....

Now she wanted to bring the authorities into what almost became a street fight. You can't have it both ways. Either you handle it or you SHET THE FUCK UP and BACK THE FUCK UP. She didn't stop to think that with her instigating this fight she would have been getting herself into trouble. So see sometimes flapping yo gums and letting people influence you into an altercation for their entertainment clouds you from thinking about the bigger picture. On the flip side if you're gonna start shit (as I inadvertently did) be prepared to back it up til the end-which I was prepared to do. Now I'm not boasting about this...it could have turned out REALLY BAD....but hey what's life without a little excitement? LOL

The End.

Tini's Tuesday Drunken Tale of Woe

Welp, this tale is of a young and unwise young lady named Tini. Unfortunately, this is a true story....lol

MANY years ago (note that I am aging myself here...lol) for my 23rd birthday, some co-workers and I decided to celebrate our birthday (SHOUTS TO ALL THE SCORPIO READERS!)  by taking over a club in lower Manhattan and drink the place dry. My cousin and I have birthdays in the same week so he joined the festivities too. Now there was a total of 5 of us. We invited mad friends and shut that place DOWN. And because it was my birthday, naturally people were more than willing to help shut down my wee liver.

So my drink for the night was Cosmopolitans. I don't know who bartended that night, but they hooked that shit UP. Everytime I looked someone was putting a drink in my hand and who was I to refuse? As the night continued I began to get a lil foggy...I mean I lost count after my 8th Cosmo...the next thing I remember was hailing a cab with my cousin and his friend to head back home to Brooklyn.

I don't recall most of the ride. But I DO remember my cousins friend had some bomb ass knee high boots. (She mentioned at a later time that she thought I'd run her for her boots because I kept touching them and complimenting them....and her concern that I might actually puke on them...which fortunately for her didn't happen). The friends house is first and she pays her fare, I compliment the boots AGAIN and we continue on to my apartment. We get to my building and give the driver his fare and I remember SPECIFICALLY insisting giving him a $.53 cent tip...I don't know why though...he seemed to enjoy our drunken ride home...

I honestly couldn't tell you if we rode the elevator up or walked up to my 4th floor apartment...for all I know we beamed up to the bitch *shrug*

but I remember fumbling with my keys and cursing because I kept relocking and locking the locks till I got it right. Cuz living in New York it's MANDATORY (hood law) you have no less that three locks on that bish....I recall having to pee as did my cousin and proceeded to the bathroom. Now understand, my cousin and I are very close, although he is a GUY but it helps that he is also GAY so I could care less if he saw me take a dump much less pee. So I bypass the toilet and take a seat on the side of the bathtub...and when done I attempted to "flush." After several FAILED attempts, I then realized that it WAS NOT the toilet. SMH.

We both laugh our asses off (even though my bare ass was still hanging off the side of the tub). Finish up in the bathroom and head to bed. The next day we had planned to go to Riverhead, LI to Tanger Outlets for a blow out shopping spree to cap off our birthday weekend. So my mom, aunt and little brother spent the night at my house so that we could all leave in the morning together. So my mother in all her evilness was well aware of us being DEAD DRUNK when we arrived home.

So like an evil mother, she woke us up at 6 a.m. all smiles (mind you we got home a little after 3 a.m.). I don't remember the FIRST attempt but she came back for a second announcing it was her second attempt. Now when drunk I don't suffer from headaches (thank gawd). I just felt out of it. My cousin awoke complainin of a headache...sucks for him....

My stomach starts growling and I ask my little brother to go in the kitchen and heat up the fish sandwich I had in the fridge. I eat half of the sandwich and proceed to get ready to leave. Before we could leave the house good....livers revenge set in...BAM! Beeline to the bathroom to throw up....FML. My evil mother laughed her ass off KNOWING full well this was going to be a day of comedy. We decided to get some breakfast on the way and stop by McDonalds. I threw up again in the drive thru hanging out the car door. But you know I ordered something right? I couldn't keep the breakfast down and I'm PISSED....So here we are on the Long Island Expressway headed to Long Island and I'm puking in a bag along the way.

I'm sitting between my brother and my cousin and I'm sure sitting beside me was the LAST place they wanted to be. LOL At one point I blacked out. I remember Usher was on the radio and when I was coming to the radio speakers sounded like they were inside my ears. And faintly in the distance I hear my cousin yelling something...I couldn't quite make it out at first. I was still holding the bag and my cousins voice grew louder the more I came to. "IN THE BAG!!!!!!!!!!" Yeah that's what he was screaming...apparently when I blacked out I slumped over into his lap and began dry heaving. I'm surprised he didn't knock me the hell out to be honest....LMAO. So when my brain FINALLY processed "In the bag" I fixed the bag and began to throw up IN THE BAG.

We get to the outlet and I couldn't have been happier to get the hell out that car for some fresh air. For a little while I actually didn't feel like death was looming over me anymore. So the trooper that I am I proceed to put a dent in my bank account. We go to a jewelry store and my mom felt bad for being so evil and that her lil girl was puking her brains out...so she decided to get me a pendant and necklace set (which I'm actually wearing right now...ROFL). The employee notice that I'm sitting off to the side with my cousin joking around trying to keep in good spirits even though overindulgence in spirits is what put me in that condition. Even they laughed when they found out I wasn't ill but hungover...summabishes....so I had to puke AGAIN and sat outside the store and puked in another empty plastic bag only to have two spanish women pass me and say in spanish (translated to English) "Poor girl...she must be pregnant." FML

I managed to not puke for about 40 minutes and get some power shopping done. I get to Old Navy and CRASH. I go in and while looking at a sweater my stomach basically gave me the big FUCK YOU. I found a manager QUICK and told him I was gonna be sick. He rushed me into the back in the employee area. I yanked the bathroom door open and this girl was assed out getting ready to wipe herself. She screamed, I think I managed a "oh, shit sorry" and found a garbage can and blessed it.

I sat back there for I don't know how long. Another manager came back there and checked on me. She said my family would probably be looking for me and she was going to contact Tanger security to let them know I was in the store and if they were looking for me to find me there.
Sure enough they were looking for me, thinking I passed out somewhere clutching for dear life to my prized shopping bags. My mom came in the back and got me and at this point she's not so evil anymore, she actually looked concerned. I had been puking non-stop for several hours and was pale and weak. In my condition I managed to shop...I FUCKIN ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So we leave and I puked some more on the way home stopping about an hour away from home.

We get back to my house and my brother gets me ginger ale. By 5 p.m. I finally stopped puking. THANK GAWD! *misty eyed* My 12 hour puking binge was OVER.

I had rock solid abs, dehydrated and I was exhausted....but fuck it...I SURVIVED MY 23rd BIRTHDAY!

Fin.